Relationships & Intimacy

XXX: THE EMAIL THAT MADE ONE HUSBAND NEVER WANT TO WATCH IT AGAIN!

Should people in a relationship be okay with one or the other watching porn? This is not a yes or no question and like most decisions in a relationship – it cannot be answered by anyone else but the couple.

I believe that the stance on this should be agreed PRIOR to long term commitment or marriage – yes, it is that big of a deal. This action has broken up a whole lot more than one relationship, therefore, the best way to address it is to talk about it before the love knots are tied and tightened.

Personally, I do not have a concern about my husband watching porn even if he did or when he does. And there was a point that I did not mind watching it myself or with my significant other. More recently my views on pornography have changed but it is not that I have not enjoyed my time with it before having a deeper think about the true impact of supporting the porn industry and its carnal content by indulging in those shows.

To be brief as to why my views about porno have been altered – well, here are only a few reasons:

  1. carnal lust is a vicious thing and it is more important to humanity for each of us to learn how to control ourselves and be safe through monogamy, this reduces the spread of nasty diseases and viruses while reducing unwanted pregnancies and abortion;
  2. porn also breaks up families because it causes grave misunderstandings and when a family is broken it leaves any children relying on the strength of a unified family unit broken and confused as well;
  3. I sympathize with the women in the videos who have subjected themselves to the many situations that can often come from filming porno, it can lead to a number of vulnerabilities and emotional issues that it would take another post to discuss and whether they know it at the time or not the act will have its negative impacts on their lives and emotional health;
  4. I also have a greater appreciation now for the sanctity of sex between two committed, consenting adults who pledge to not lust and to find their comfort in each other. When a committed couple can find level ground on all the vitals of a good relationship (communication, sex, distributed responsibilities, support, finances) it makes for a wonderful family and the children have a better chance of happiness and success as well.

Still, on the other hand, there are often wives and partners who use sex as a carrot on a string often to the detriment of their relationships. Sex is a wonderful experience, this is hard to debate at all. And it is even more wonderful when a couple does not feel like they have to compete with paid actors on a porn as confidence is a key component to better sexual performance.

Specifically to the ladies – if you have a husband or partner who is anxious to be with you and feel you – why deny him? Isn’t it great that they have come to you and want to be THAT close to you. However, even so, I understand that oftentimes husbands/partners may want sex and ask for sex but fail to make their wives/partners feel sexy or attractive. In order for a woman to enjoy sex and provide a great sack session she has to feel comfortable, confident and sexy – these are the 3 vital components of a sexually successful woman – or any spouse/partner.

Funny enough I was having my usual discussions with a friend about sexual things she has been unhappy about in her relationship. She she shared with me that for years she had struggled with the fact her husband often watched pornography and masturbated. We talked in depth about this and overall she was feeling like she had to compete with the performance and the bodily appearance of the many young and fit women that often appear in xxx videos.

Funny enough she was aware of her husband attending to his own needs one night and had just about dealt with it long enough – the situation had taken a toll on her as it can, but her husband did not hide that he watched porn sometimes and it was no secret in their relationship. All the same, she felt it was time to move on from what she considered immature behavior no longer fit for their lives.

Unbelievably, that week she found her husband holding his device looking very concerned; he handed it to her and told her there is a chance he would soon be going viral on the web – she took the device from him to see what he was talking about. It was an email he received that morning obviously from a cyber criminal. When she read the email she could not help but start laughing – then her face turned serious when she saw his distraught expression and she discussed the matter at hand with the man she loved to find out what video the hacker might be referring to, how long was he masturbating with his phone perched on the toilet tank cover as he watched the dirty videos etc – she was trying to help him figure out what, if any, raw footage these malicious web strangers may have on her husband.

I really cannot imagine how he felt or what went through his head when he received that email, but for now he has rebuked all his porno watching and had his wife block triple x content from his devices with a pin code only she knows. Perhaps all things really do happen for a reason, I pray they can now work together on their own sex lives now without distraction or feelings of competition. And, I hope that he can take some of what he learnt watching those videos and gain his wife’s confidence so she can become the bed bunny he desires.

Luckily for the rest of us they have both agreed to share this wacky email with us here so that others can be warned that 5 minutes of lusting online just might ruin the rest of your life, not only your relationship.

Email re watching porn videos

Personally, I really would not have wanted that email showing up in my inbox a few years ago – I cannot even advise on what to do if you received one.

Best bet is to explore ways to open up and enjoy sex with your spouse/partner. Also, sex therapy can be a great way for couples to address differences, conflicts and sexual issues within their relationship and there are simple, inexpensive online courses available that can help.

I have found a few great sites with experienced therapists offering online courses for great prices and after I check them all out thoroughly I will be posting the links here on my blog if I think they will be truly helpful or welcomed. If you are seriously thinking about fanning the bedroom flame and are at a loss on how to do it – professional advice is great help! I invite you to subscribe to my blog so that you do not miss the soon-to-be-published list and other honest, open information on the truth behind “married/committed sex” and why it should be (and can be!) even more exciting and wonderful than any ole porno!

Also, feel free to leave a comment or send me an email if you have any questions as I have been providing volunteer sex therapy for over 10 years to many individuals and couples – I fully believe ‘sex is a passion better shared with love!’ and when we think about the natural significance of sex and sexual pleasure between couples, and fully understand the bond it forms, we can then gain a better sexual attraction to our spouses/partners and look to sexually pleasing them as a way to show love and appreciation in the closest, most personal way ever.

I sure hope that email is a bluff and that my friend’s masturbation video does not get out to his contacts! How in the world are people supposed to get bitcoin in 24 hrs anyway?

What would you do if that popped in to your inbox? Yikes!

Still laughing (though it’s not supposed to be funny!),

Megs

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